Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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