We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
