we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
it's great music for shaving your balls
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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