the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
