dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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