Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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