my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
