We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
