just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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