What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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