I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
