Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
