youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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