I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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