My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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