cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
