Soap is not a condiment
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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