My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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