you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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