Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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