I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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