its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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