I could have mohawked her pubes.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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