Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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