grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
