ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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