Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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