My balls are so social today.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
