you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
