i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
