brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
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Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
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Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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