Say something about gay babies.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
