It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Maybe he injected his testicle?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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