You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
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he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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