rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
