All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
