First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
