Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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