So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
