Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
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