Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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