It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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