I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how hot balto sounded
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize