My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
