is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
