Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
