dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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