I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
