Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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