so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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