You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
