She said her name was "party"
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
