I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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