Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
