don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
