Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
