I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
