I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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