i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
