Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
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I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
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Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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