Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
