is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do vagina's smell?
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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