I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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