i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
