Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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