I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
