I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
