This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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