There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize