I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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