Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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