i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
