I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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