Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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