his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
